you made me smile

I like it
When you tell me personal things
Because then I know that
You trust me and
You like me.

love poems & masochistic confessions, pt. 202

Repeatedly
I embarrass myself to you
Over-reaction
And perhaps I cling too tightly.
Or perhaps it’s just a tighter cling than you’ve felt before.

But all I’m desiring is your patience;
Your faith that I won’t always be like this.
That I’ll be better.
I promise you.

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You have no idea how much my heart loves you
& how frequently that makes me the fool
& how frequently I’m embarrassed by that.

You breathe eloquence/ And I pour out perverse anxiety.

(but i don't want to)

I want to say I love you, but I don’t think I know what it means.
I just want it to be said.
I just want to feel the normalcy that comes with contentment.
I want to feel comfortable and OK.















You will never love me
Like I want you to love me.
There is nothing I can do
To make you love me
Like I want you to love me.
That is no secret. It never was.
But it still hurts. And I still keep pretending.

is there ever too much counseling?

it's feeling like i'm drowning.

it's feeling like i'm stuck. no matter where i live, i'll be miserable.

it's not location. it's now how i always tried to blame. it's me.

the first step is supposed to be that i understand i'm powerless over others. but instead i'll change that to be i'm powerless over myself right now. my life has "become unmanageable."

so i'm trying not to drown. i still feel like i'm drowning. but i'm at least doing the doggy paddle.

i wanted to tell you everything
but now i'm too scared.


















(photo by zuzana's computer)

i am like wet socks:

bothersome, hard to take off, and something else, but i forgot the last adjective.













































Sometimes I get confident and think it’s ok to just be me.
That it could be like in the movies where the neat boy
Likes the crazy girl
And gives her the peace of mind she deserves.

But other times I think I should control myself
So I can keep you near.

work

clearly, you have no idea
just how hard it is to concentrate.

and just how much i want you to love me back.